Recently, Twitch streamer Alinity had a meltdown during one of her live streams, where she revealed that she has suicidal thoughts almost on a daily basis.
"You guys have no idea, how many times I wanted to kill my self, how many times I've spent my entire night trying to figure out how I was gonna I end my life," Alinity said through tears.
Recently, Alinity talked about her suicidal tendentious on stream(Picture: Alinity/Twitch)
Alinity is often perceived negatively in the streaming community and especially amongst fans of other streamers because some of her past wrongdoings, and to this day they call her "animal abuser" because of episodes with her cat.
Many are claiming that she is "protected" by Twitch and that she doesn't get punished enough for stuff she's doing, but Alinity denies Twitch favouritism allegation, calling them "totally ridiculous."
After her meltdown last week, she was invited to be Dr Alok Kanojia's guest on his talk show where he tries to help streamers to cope better with the internet toxicity and general depression.
During the session with Dr K, Alinity has tried to explain how does it feel to be constantly bullied online (Picture: Dr K/Twitch)
Dr. K, how he is known on the internet, is a psychiatrist from Boston and a founder of Healthy Gamer, the organisation with a focus on the mental health of gamers.
Dr. K has previously had several sessions with Reckful during this year, and it seemed like Reckful was really getting better and making clear progress, but unfortunately, he lost that battle.
Alinity talked with Dr. K about several things that severely affects her mental health, making her depression worse and are pushing suicidal thoughts into her mind.
She is constantly being harassed, ridiculed and bullied online, which you can see for your self during her live streams or on her Twitter account.
Alinity on her past mistakes
Alinity recognizes that she did "stupid things", but she is working towards being better and to move away from that kind of behaviour.
She explains that she wants to move on from the past, but people who are bullying her are not letting her do that because they are constantly reminding her of that and she feels like she has to relive those moments "over and over again."
Dr. K's chat, which is sub-only-chat, was the best proof of how far people will go just to harass Alinity. Trolls were massively subbing to Dr. K's channel just so that they can write in the chat and harass Alinity.
At one point, Dr. K's wife, who is modding the chat, decided to turn off chat completely because of the negativity and toxicity.
Alinity about her depression and wanting to kill herself
Alinity says that her depression completely overwhelmed her, that she only sleeps and she's barely leaving the house.
At one point she explains that she is so desperate that she thinks she only has two options left: "I kill myself or I leave the internet."
Again, some people in the chat were typing 1 to "encourage" her to take the first option (suicide), which speaks more about the toxic internet culture and which is something Reckful had to deal with constantly as well.
Alinity describes her status in the community as "the punching bag of the internet," and as an example, she talks about the situation with Dr Disrespect's ban.
She explains that when DrDisrespect got banned, she was trending on Twitter along with his name, and people were accusing her that she is the one responsible for him getting banned.
"It just doesn't make any sense. People were harassing me like 'Why you got him banned, what did you do to Doc, did you cheat with him?' and I'm like, dude, wtf!?"
In the end, Dr. K thinks that the real problem is not in the individuals, but the internet culture as a whole which creates a toxic environment and leads to hate and abuse culture, hidden behind the anonymity and lack of accountability.
Because he can't fix that, he thinks that the next best thing is to try and help people to learn how to ignore that kind of negativity online and protect themself from it.